OK people, emergency blog post.
Years ago I ate a bunch of candy and soda.
Months ago I got a root canal.
Two weeks ago I got prepped for the crown, and got a temporary crown. The dentist has to take an impression of your teeth and send the impression off to get a perfect / custom crown made.
Well, when my dentist was asking me what kind of a crown I wanted, I was like, "uh, what are my options?"
Stay with me.
The below is a paraphrase. While I have spent lots and lots of time in a dentist's office, I am not a dentist. Internet blogs are not an adequate substitute for medical attention. Offer valid only while supplies last.
Dentist: "Your two options are gold and porcelain. Porcelain will be white, so nobody will notice the filling, but they eventually break and need to be replaced."
Me: "Oh man, that doesn't sound like any fun."
Dentist: "It's not. Gold crowns last forever and never need to be replaced. The two are the same price."
Me: "Well shit, the only person that ever gets close enough to me to see my teeth is my wife, and she doesn't care what's in there --- I'll go with gold."
I figure that "gold" is a colloquialism for metal / alloy, you know, just a regular grey filling. I have some other fillings that I thought were referred to as "gold" and they're a drab grey, pretty unremarkable, unnoticeable.
Fast forward two weeks.
Today I go in to get the permanent crown delivered. The dentist has the thing in his hand, polishing it, before it gets "installed" in my head, and I said "hey, can I take a look at the crown?" --- just curious about what a crown looks like before it's cemented to a tooth forever.
Oh - my - god.
Not unremarkable, unnoticeable grey. Not drab. Not subtle.
The thing is GUH-HOLD.
Like, REALLY gold. Stun-tastic gold. Three 6 Mafia gold.
So I am sitting there, looking at the crown, and I can't say anything, because the thing was custom handmade just for me, and it was really expensive, it's kind of a "toothpaste out of the tube" situation --- it can't be undone.
So I just laid back and got the crown installed. I was hearing rap music in my head the whole time, because I know that from this day forward, I am tha mack.
Anyways, your boy Hunter got a seriously gold tooth today at the dentist. Ask to see it next time you see me, I think it's bitchin'.
Shmoke and a pancake,